Tong Elves

There are many clans of Tong Elves. There are the Gum Tree Tong Elves, the Pine Tong Elves, the Birch Tong Elves, the Oak Tong Elves—the list goes on and on. But the one thing every single clan of Tong Elves has in common is their dedication to the Pale Queen and her daughter, Princess Ereskigal (also known as Risky). They are their minions, after all. And as minions, it’s their job to insult any enemy of the Pale Queen or Risky that crosses their path.

So if you’re one such enemy: BEWARE. Because the instant you’re within hearing distance, those evil Tong Elves will most likely spew a slew of nasty insults at you. They might, for example, say: “Shut your vile, filthy, fruit-chewing mouth, you low, slow, soggy bag of water.” Or possibly, “You sweat-oozing, cheese-scented wad of pulp mounted on toothpicks.” Or even, “You barely animated mistake of nature!” But whatever their insult of choice, they’ll be sure to scream it at you . . . right before smashing you with a bowling pin. Hard. Because, although Tong Elves are the size of children, they can whack a pin with the best of them.